Get to Know the Difference Between Healthy and Toxic Guilt

Some forms of guilt can be a positive force, steering people to do the right thing, other forms can be positively toxic, seeping into all areas of an individual’s life and destroying their health and happiness. Toxic guilt causes stress, which compromises the immune system and increases vulnerability to illness. What’s more, people who suffer from toxic guilt surrender their personal autonomy to live life on their own terms.

‘There’s a big difference between good and bad guilt. The former teaches you to consider the needs of others and helps you to choose right from wrong; the latter stems from insecurity, hyper-sensitivity to how others perceive you, and a desperate need to be liked.’

People with toxic guilt are constantly striving to be good enough, bent on pleasing those around them, and enslaved by unreasonably high expectations of themselves.

 Warning signs of toxic guilt

To determine if you have toxic guilt, answer these five questions:

1. Is pleasing others the main driver in your life?

2. Does the need to see yourself as “good” motivate you to take on people or projects when you’d really rather not?

3. Do you feel you’re never quite good enough?

4. Would you like to change something about your life — such as moving to another place or breaking off an unhealthy relationship — but won’t because you’d feel too guilty?

5. Do you habitually give more than you receive?

If you answered “yes” to at least two of these questions, chances are that toxic guilt is controlling your life.

 Setting healthy boundaries

Even if you’ve been plagued by toxic guilt for as long as you can remember, you can free yourself, live a more satisfying life, and know that you’re still a good person. But in order to do so, you first need to understand and establish boundaries or emotional fences.

‘You have to learn that you have a right to your own life and the responsibility to take good care of yourself. This is entirely different from being selfish.’

If you have toxic guilt, you have poor boundaries or maybe no boundaries at all. It’s highly likely that past experiences in your life — such as a difficult upbringing — damaged your boundaries to such an extent that other people can simply step over them and trespass.

We all need help at times so call today and I will help you walk through this guilt that eats away at you. We will work together in a safe environment to give you the strength and tools to recognize when guilt is toxic or healthy. Call me today, I can help.